Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Why Self Love and Narcissism Are NOT the Same Thing

A month or two ago, an article about people taking part in wedding ceremonies -- with themselves -- got shared on Facebook a few times. My friends that posted them thought the whole notion was weird  and many of their friends and acquaintances left comments saying how incredibly narcissistic this whole idea sounded to them. I tried to gently interject with my point of view on it (as I've been hearing about these ceremonies in recent years in the law of attraction circles) but it fell on deaf ears. One guy was having none of it; in his mind this was nothing but narcissism at an elevated, alarming level. 

Only it's not, and I'm going to explain why. There's a big difference between self love and narcissism, and even psychologists have recognized the difference for many years now. 

So I'll tell you what my personal definition of each is. Self love comes from within. It's caring enough for yourself not to put yourself down with negative words and to take care of yourself, emotionally and physically when you need it. It also means honoring the special human that you are...not in a (as Oprah would say) braggadocios way...but recognizing yourself and all of your gifts. Self love is incredibly empowering and it's not seeking approval from others outside of yourself, but giving yourself your own approval. 

Narcissism, to me, is the opposite. Narcissistic people lack self esteem and they seek approval from others. It is something that definitely does not come within...narcissistic people don't feel that they're good enough, and they want the approval of others (looking outside of themselves) to make them feel great about themselves and their life. They're prone to bragging. Narcissism most often always comes from fear, and there's nothing empowering about it at all. 

Now, back to the marrying yourself ceremonies...I agree that this idea sounds unusual and personally, I know I'd never have the interest in participating in one myself. But after reading about one law of attraction coach's experience doing it, I can understand her motivation about why she did. She'd had many failed relationships and realized that she wasn't going to have any kind of peace and finally attract the right man until she learned to love herself first. Like the other women participating, she chose a ring...not a diamond wedding ring or anything resembling one...but a plain metal band that had an inspirational word engraved on it. She didn't wear a bridal gown. She simply attended a brief New Age ceremony where participants promised to love, cherish, and honor themselves from that day forth.

And in case you're wondering, she is now married with three kids.

What she did was participate in a self love ceremony, and there's nothing narcissistic about that. It also doesn't mean that she told people she was taken or married; everything was purely symbolic. 

And time and again, I keep reading about how important self love is in regards to the law of attraction. Unless we can learn to love and honor ourselves first, we won't be able to attract other people that can love and honor us and provide us with harmonious relationships. 

So share the self love!

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