Yesterday I admitted to still having some deep seeded, lingering beliefs and doubts about relationships and men that I traced back to my childhood. Twenty four hours later I'm happy to report that I think I'm well on my way to kicking these beliefs in the butt. I think the fact that I was willing to admit to them in the first place and identify their source was a really important step in the right direction.
I also admit that I was a bit of a crybaby yesterday, literally. I think that was a good thing to do -- as I see no reason why we should deny our emotions, or when something is bothering us. I've heard it said in the Abraham Hicks teachings that crying is your body's way of releasing resistance, so I let the tears flow. It's cathartic, and sometimes you need to do it so you can begin the clearing process.
I also started reading the book Unsinkable: How to Bounce Back Quickly When Life Knocks You Down by Sonia Ricotti (maybe I'll post a review of it here when I'm done.) It's a great read and it's making me feel better, as many of the "lessons" she takes us through in it are serving as strong reminders about why I'm my own worst enemy.
Here is what I've come to realize/remember that is helping to dissolve my old beliefs:
The Past Is Over, and Cannot Be Changed
Childhood and the teen years are over (thank God) as is yesterday and every other day before that one. The past cannot be relived or changed, but that also means (as I wrote about a month or so ago) it really cannot affect our present unless we allow it to. We have to accept it and move on because there really is no other choice. And just because something happened years ago does not mean we are doomed to repeat and relive it. Yes, the boys in junior high may not have found me attractive and cool back then, but those are exactly the compliments I've received from guys in recent years.
I am also not the same person that I was years ago. Despite sounding on the sad side yesterday, I do have way more confidence today than I did years ago, as well as fashion and make-up sense.
Compared to Other Kids That Were Bullied, I Didn't Have It That Bad
I'm putting things in perspective here -- compared to bullying horror stories I've read about through the years, it could have been much worse. Also, I wasn't molested or raped. From what I remember, no one put their hands on me other than pulling the glasses off my face. I also wasn't the only kid that was ever bullied or treated unfairly. That doesn't make it right, but there is comfort in knowing that you are not alone and the only person it ever happened to.
I Forgive Everyone That Hurt My Self Esteem In Some Way
The funny thing is, I did forgive everyone involved a couple of years ago. I remember a couple of days later, in work, walking around feeling really physically lighter as if a weight had been lifted off of me. No resistance to anything whatsoever. And then the following day I was informed that I was being laid off! (Which I still think was meant to happen.) Forgiveness is still the only way to get past the pain once and for all -- it's knowing that the past couldn't have been any different, as Oprah Winfrey has said. Also, I am sure most of the kids involved have no recollection of doing anything "wrong" to me or anybody else. Clearly, there was some reason why they felt the need to hurt another person. That doesn't make what they did OK, but it does help me find closure.
Beliefs Are Not Scientifically Proved Facts
As I mentioned in my last post, beliefs are not facts. Facts have been proven by scientific research; beliefs just feel that way to the person carrying them around. They also seem to get reinforced when your mood is low, as mine was a bit yesterday. They can changed -- and even discarded.
Tomorrow I think that I am going to conduct a negative/limiting belief destroying ritual. Some people write down their limiting beliefs and then burn them. (I don't think I want to risk playing with fire, but I do have a paper shredder at my disposal...this is going to be fun.)
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