Wednesday, April 27, 2016

10 Things I Can Bring To A Relationship

If you're single, do you ever ponder about what you can bring to a relationship, or do you mostly focus on the qualities you want your partner to have? I've been reading more and more about how it's good from a law of attraction standpoint to focus on the former. It's one of the techniques I used when I got serious again about finding the right job when 2016 rolled around. I told myself that I was a good writer, creative, dependable, willing and able to learn how to do new things, and detail oriented. I feel that focusing on my strengths and believing in them definitely helped change the job situation for me. 

So now, naturally, I've been thinking about applying this same technique to manifesting the right relationship with the right man. Not long ago I came across a blog written by a single guy and he wrote this same post. This isn't about being arrogant or bragging, by the way -- it's about affirming to the universe what you are as a person and believing there's someone out there that's right for you that will LOVE everything that YOU have to offer. Because a key thing I've been seeing mentioned lately is that you have to believe that there's a partner out there that is searching for you, and everything that you have to give. Just as a dream job has a dream candidate, so too does a person have a dream partner. 

I also think this is a great exercise to try to determine that you're actually ready to attract someone worthy into your life, because if you honestly can't come up with ten positive traits and really believe in them, then it may be time to do a little more work on yourself before you think about trying to attract a partner. 

So here it goes...ten positive qualities that I believe I can bring to a relationship.

1. I'm Baggage-Free
I have no kids (but welcome a divorced dad with kids that are school-age or older) and I don't want to have a baby. There are several advantages to this...for starters, anyone nervous about having his kids get along and blend with a partner's kids doesn't have to worry about it with me. Second, the fact that I don't have kids of my own to take care of means I have more time to devote to a relationship and getting to know his children, if he has any. Also, I'm a great catch for a divorced father that has already gone through the whole changing diapers and dealing with temper tantrums period and doesn't want to do it again. I've never really had a biological clock and at age 44 it's definitely not going to happen. 

Also there are no ex-husbands, and no lingering ex-boyfriends. My heart is open and I am emotionally and physically available. My job is low on the stress factor and very 9 to 5, so I have a lot of quality time to spend with someone special. 

2. I Have A Job That I Love
I mention it because I believe no man wants a gold digger or a freeloader. I have a career again that I love and am grateful for, and I feel like I'm serving a purpose in the world. I've always had common sense with money and I'm saving as much as I can while living at home. This doesn't mean I don't want a partner to give me gifts and pay for dates -- it means I'm financially stable and happy during the work week. I also was able to get the job after basically creating one on the side for myself to gain social media experience, and I would imagine a guy would find the fact I used my ingenuity attractive. 

3. I Have A Positive Attitude
It goes without saying (given the theme of this blog) that I stay positive most of the time, focus on what's going right, and find things every day to be grateful for. It wasn't easy at times when I was out of work, but I managed to focus on the positive as much as I could. No one wants to date a Debbie Downer (unless they're emitting the same low energy vibration or they're some sort of emotional masochist that enjoys enduring that kind of behavior from another person.) Now don't me wrong -- I'm no sunny, overly upbeat Pollyanna -- but I think most normal guys would want to date someone that has a healthy and positive attitude on life in general. 

4. I'm Physically and Emotionally Healthy
Speaking of which, I'm lucky and grateful that I'm not only physically healthy and don't have any diseases (nor do I have to take medication for anything) but that I'm emotionally healthy as well. I've never been depressed -- at least not for a period of time while also experiencing several major symptoms that would cause me to be diagnosed with it. I guess this naturally parlays into the next thing I have to  offer...

5. I Take Good Care of Myself and Have A Good Figure
I almost feel like I should apologize if this sounds superficial, but then again, I shouldn't have to apologize for wanting to live a healthy lifestyle. I enjoy exercising, eating right, and staying in shape. I also protect my skin from the sun as much as I can and have a good skin care regimen. For me, it's a lifestyle that I'm naturally inclined towards, and I'm happy with the way I look and very comfortable with my body. 

And yet, although I like to dress nicely and put on a bit of makeup nearly every day, I don't consider myself high maintenance. I rarely even paint my fingernails -- and prefer to paint my own toenails in the summer instead of paying someone else to do it. I also color my own hair at home. 

I have never tried any kind of recreational drug, and I've only smoked one cigarette in my life. I drink alcohol maybe a couple of times a month. In fact, I don't really have any addictions at all -- at least no bad ones. 

6. I'm Supportive, Caring, and Generous
If my partner has an achievement in his career, I want to be his proud cheerleader...if he's under the weather and not feeling well, I want to nurse him back to health...and if he's had a rough day I want to be ready to give a back rub and provide a hot, home cooked meal (I'm ready to provide those things even on good days, of course.) I've also been told I'm a really good listener and often seem to get asked for advice from friends, so they must value my opinion. I'm also trying to be more generous; I recently rewrote a friend's resume and now she's been getting one interview after another and great feedback on it, so that makes me feel good, and I've been answering her questions about job hunting and interviewing. 

7. I've Learned From My Past Mistakes
Everyone has done and/or said something they've regretted, and I am no exception. I've lost friendships because of my own lingering insecurity left over from my childhood and teen years. I've also done stupid things while dating when I was younger because I thought it would make a guy fall in love with me -- of course, taking action from places of desperation only backfires in your face. The important thing is I've learned from my past mistakes and I've forgiven myself (even if other people involved couldn't forgive me) and moved on. Things that used to bug me in the past don't so much anymore, and I let things go. 

8. I Am Affectionate and Want To Have Sex -- and Keep Having It
Well, I have to mention it because some women do lose interest after so many years of being in the same relationship. I know that every marriage or long-term relationship has its ups and downs and that includes a couple's sex life, but I want to do what I can to keep that physical intimate connection with my man going even after so many years. Also, I'm completely comfortable initiating it, and that's a turn-on to a lot of men. I'm not a one-night stand person, and I don't want casual sex -- I want to enjoy it as part of a committed, long-term relationship, and I want to make my partner feel good and cared for (and of course, I want that in return.) I also consider myself to be a sexy woman. I like wearing negligee, high heels, and other sexy garments for a partner. 

Also, I love kissing (and making out), hugging, touching, and giving/receiving back and shoulder rubs. I love holding hands with a guy as well as holding onto his arm while walking...and gently touching and flirting while riding in the car or out to eat. I think it's really important to give and receive physical touch and show your partner that you care. 

9. I Have Healthy Interests and Hobbies, and Am A Good Conversationalist
Too much to pack into one trait? Well, they're kind of all tied in together...anyone that's seen my other blog, Go Retro, knows I love to write and also am fascinated by retro pop culture. So if you want to discuss Steve McQueen movies or talk music from the 1970s, you're probably going to find a lot of chat about with me. In that similar vein, I'm not really like other women in that I don't find it particularly fascinating to talk about weddings or babies. At my previous job, I always wanted to talk to the sales guys that sat near me when they would start talking about movies, TV, or something in the news. (Unfortunately, I'm not really into sports but I do watch the yeah, deflategate would make for a good topic.) In addition to writing, I love movies, (retro) music, going to restaurants, going to new and favorite places in New England, cooking, knitting, reading, bike riding, walking, and doing fun things with my Meetup group. 

Speaking of conversations, I've come a long way since my shy days and can hold a conversation with just about anyone, finding something interesting to talk about. So when a guy introduces me to his family, chances are I'm going to be able to chat in a friendly manner with everyone. I grew up before the Internet and mobile devices, and find that nothing beats phone or in-person conversations. Even email -- which can be way more detailed and intimate -- trumps texting any day. 

And there's one thing you won't find me doing when it comes to "interests" and that's posting constantly to social media. In fact I've been browsing my personal feed on Facebook less and less, especially as some people I'm connected to use it more and more to post selfies and constantly swap out their profile photo. It really is used by an awful lot of women as a tool for self-approval and validation, and I simply don't need to use it in that way. 

10. I Believe In Honesty and Open Communication
I don't like to let disagreements fester -- I believe in talking things through in a healthy manner. I also realize that relationships are all about compromising and this applies to friendships as well; sometimes you'll go somewhere or participate in something that your friends want to do that you may not be crazy about, but you want to be agreeable. I'm also not one to keep my feelings hidden; I believe in being honest and saying what's on my mind. I think if more couples would just confront issues and talk through them in civil manners and reach agreements they might be less friction in relationships. 

I could actually easily add five more items to this list, but I think ten is a good place to stop. Because are you listening, universe? I am ready to meet someone fantastic! 

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