Friday, January 22, 2016

Can People Change?

Not long ago I was wondering if my life would have turned out differently had I met someone in college and gotten married. Lots of people seem to meet each other in college and get married at some point -- I've seen them listed in the alumni magazine that my alma mater mails to me on occasion. 

Then I realized that I wasn't even dating material in college, let alone marriage material. I was a great student -- I didn't party (I was also a commuter so I wasn't living on campus) and in my spare time I helped the campus entertainment group organize social events, concerts, and other attractions for the college community (which is probably why I now enjoy Meetup.) 

However, I was still really shy and unconfident around boys. Part of that was due to the residual effects of being teased and bullied in junior high school. Even though my high school years were much better and I fell in with a really great group of girls that I'm still in touch with today through Facebook, I definitely didn't know how to flirt. I also didn't trust guys my age for a variety of reasons. I was worried that they'd want me to do things sexually that I didn't want to do, or make me go to parties with them and get drunk. There was one guy I had a crush on, but I didn't know how to approach him. No one on campus ever seemed to notice me, anyway. 

I also wasn't the greatest dresser and my knowledge of what you could do with makeup with a little limited. If you asked me when I was a freshman what it meant to be sexy I'm not sure I could have given the best answer. 

I also had no interest in college boys because it was during this time that I fell in love with a much older man, a wonderful friend that did treat me with respect and did see that there was a confident woman inside of me. When Joe died of cancer in early 1999 -- a few months after my father did -- I was devastated, but in time I became really grateful and felt lucky that I'd gotten to know such a special person. 

By the time Joe passed away (we stayed friends even after he moved to California) I was more confident and sexy; I had started choosing better looking, form fitting clothing (mostly from Victoria's Secret when they used to make nice clothes.) In time I also became a lot more confident around men, learning how to flirt and how to say what was on my mind. I also know a lot more what I want in a relationship today compared to when I was in my 20s (communication, communication, communication, and straight-to-the-point honesty among other things.) 

We have heard so many times that people don't change, but I have to disagree. I definitely believe that I have changed a lot in the past 20 years. Of course, I did so because I wanted to change, and I made it happen. Most of it occurred after learning about the law of attraction and knowing I had in within me to change. And that's the key. You can't make another person change; they have to realize it and want to do it for themselves. No, you shouldn't enter a relationship and expect another person to transform for you. But I personally believe that if someone wants to do so, it is perfectly possible to change. 

And as far as not meeting anyone in college, I don't regret it. Obviously I had to go through my own journey to get to where I am today, and there's a good chance I might be divorced right now had I met someone during that time. I now have way more to offer for the right partner compared to 20 years ago anyway. 

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