Saturday, April 9, 2016

Should I Trust Appearances, Or Trust the Universe?

As much as I enjoy going out with my Meetup group, it can also be a little depressing. Inevitably, one or more women at just about any gathering will begin telling horror stories about their love life. The one we heard last night was kind of a doozy.

I'd met the woman before -- she's really nice, super personable, classy, and very attractive. She's also going through a messy divorce at the age of 55. Her husband of 26 years, who also works in the chiropractic office they co-own, cheated on her for many years with one woman, then cheated on his mistress with another woman. But it gets worse.

Her divorce is about ready to become final, but for the past year during her separation she's been putting herself out there online. She was recently dating a man for the past several months that she was head over heels with, and she thought he was with her as well. He was taking trips to Florida with her over the winter to his beach house, and then was having second thoughts about dating a woman that he felt was technically still married (in a matter of weeks she'll be legally divorced.) He said he didn't want to break up with her when she asked if that was what he wanted. But a couple of weeks ago, he did just that - without an explanation. Needless to say she's heartbroken.

Her divorce and what both guys did to her dominated the conversation for a while.

This is just the latest in a long line of similar stories I've heard from various women through the years, but I will admit hearing this one really put a damper on my mood when I got home. How can I possibly have any hope for myself when it seems these attractive women aren't having any luck? How can I have any belief in myself to have success in this area when all I hear about are men that are cheaters and liars?

I'm trying to remind myself that everyone is different, and that we don't know all of the details that went on. But I'd be devastated if something like this happened to me. By the way, the boyfriend that loves to break up without giving any explanation whatsoever is a common story I've heard many times, over and over again. Only now it's not restricted just to younger guys in their 20s and 30s doing it, but now apparently older men as well.

Right now I have no answer for it all, and I don't know when I'm going to feel 100% positive about attracting love again. I slipped off of it this week -- I won't go into details, but suffice to say although I'm still really happy with my new job and trying to celebrate every thing going right in my life, I don't have much faith right now in attracting love. I've been hurt and disappointed so many times -- albeit not to the extent that these women have -- that I'm seriously starting to doubt that there really is anybody suitable for me out there.

Now to be fair, my friend Amanda that came to the dinner actually had a success story to tell, from a friend of hers that went on and is now married to a guy she met on there. But even that tale is a little tough to take, as the guy lied about his age by 10 years to her. She married him anyway, and there's quite an age difference between the two of them. I'm not so sure that I could trust someone that lied about their age online, and by a whole decade.

Before going to sleep last night, I looked up the PBS special "Wishes Fulfilled" that the late Dr. Wayne Dyer gave a few years ago. The program is almost 2 hours long, but the segment I wanted to locate and listen to was the one where he repeats a quote by a law of attraction teacher named Neville Goddard about disregarding appearances and any evidence that goes against your dream. It didn't take long for me to find it, and this is what it says:

"Disregard appearances, conditions, in fact disregard all evidence of your senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you already are what you want to be. For in that determined assumption, you and your infinite being are merged in creative unity. And with your infinite being (God) all things are possible." 

Dyer goes on to say "God never fails and YOU are a piece of that which never fails."

It's very easy to listen to other people's stories and think that's all there is, and that they're somehow presenting the gospel as to what a particular situation is like (in this case, dating and relationships.) Today I'm reminding myself that I can't listen to other people's stories and let it dictate my mindset. 

My friend Amanda is getting laid off from her job in a few months, and some of her job hunting stories are ones that I could have told during the past two years. Someone else hearing them might start to believe that their experience would be the same, and lose faith. Yet, despite what I personally went through I was somehow able to believe in myself and know that I would get the right job, and I did. I disregarded appearances about the job market and the economy, as well as the phrase, "there's nothing out there" (which is what my mother constantly told her friends that asked how my job search was going.)

Somehow I need to believe in the universe again when it comes to attracting the right relationship with the right man. Should I trust appearances, or should I trust the Universe? I think we know what the answer is. 

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