Friday, February 17, 2017

The 30 Day Feel Good Experiment


Hey, positive people! Happy Friday. Recently I mentioned how I was starting a 30 day happiness experiment, and in today's video blog post I talk a bit about that and why it's important to try to do things that make you feel consistently good in order to manifest. I didn't get into it in this video, but some of the things I've been doing have been waking up and immediately thinking of many things to appreciate and be grateful for, listening to favorite music, blogging (of course), exercising, savoring delicious food, and more. In the video I talk about getting back into cross country skiing again as one example; I had forgotten how much I enjoy it.

By feeling good and pretending you already have what you want to manifest, you're raising your vibration to become a match to it. I also ended up letting go of a lot of negative resistance this week as I got a few days into this experiment. Anyways, I'll let myself take it away on the video below. Enjoy your weekend!



Monday, February 13, 2017

And the Breakthroughs Keep Coming: Six Reasons Why People Are Afraid to Get Into A Relationship


Just before writing this post I went on Google and typed in “afraid of being in a relationship.” One of the first results was an article on a site called Relationship Rules (“6 signs you are afraid of being in a relationship”.) There were a gazillion results with similar titles that came up, but I just decided to click on this one. And I have to say, given what I’ve been posting about on here the past few weeks, this one really hit home for me. 

Here are the six reasons they listed:

1. You haven’t made peace with your past. (You’re still haunted by certain past events.) 
2. You don’t think you can trust again. 
3. You think you’ll be trapped. 
4. You’re scared of breaking up. 
5. You’re afraid of sharing your time with someone.
6. The fear of your social life changing, forever. 

Wow. As I started to read through each page along with its explanations (and a “fix” for each issue which totally had to do with changing your mindset) the tears started to flow. I definitely checked off items 1, 2, 3, and 4 for me personally. 

The author that wrote this piece said they got a lot of emails from people that he/she could just tell were scared of being in a relationship for various reasons, so at least I’m not alone. 

I’m amazed by the strides I’m making in this area these past few weeks. So, I am giving myself a pat on the back for that and for choosing to explore this. 45 years old and I’m just figuring this all out now. Better late than never. 

Also, I have the law of attraction at my disposal, so I know that I can conquer my fears. I can’t expect to get completely past all of them overnight, but I can start right now with baby steps: writing down positive affirmations, both here and in my journal. Affirmations such as:

The past is over and done and has no influence on my present and future. 
The Universe always has my back so I feel nothing but courage and love.
I conquered a lack of confidence and self esteem with law of attraction, so I know I’m conquering my relationship fears.
I open myself up to trust and love from other people. 
I believe in myself…and I put my faith in the Universe. 

I also started a 30-day happiness/feel good experiment again (yes, despite a few tears I actually am happy and making a point to be so these days) so in my next video, I'll give an update on that and talk about why it's important to feel good. (I had started this experiment months ago but then fell off the wagon. This time I'm committed to doing it for a solid 30 days.)

Friday, February 10, 2017

Why We Attract Unavailable People


If you saw my last video post, then you remember how I talked about the exploring I did on why I seem to have attracted a lot of unavailable men to me through the years, and how I uncovered some childhood beliefs that I believe are at least partly responsible. As I mentioned in that video it was an epiphany for me...but recently, believe it or not, I had a second (dun dun dun!) epiphany that I think is probably an even greater explanation than my original answer. 

This came a few weeks ago when I was reading a blog post by a dating coach, David Wygant, who writes a site I'll pop in on from time to time. One thing I've noticed about Wygant's posts during the past few years is that they've taken on a law of attraction slant. In fact, he has written a lot about how important your mindset is when dating, your beliefs, and keeping tabs on any negative self talk. 

A month or so ago he wrote a post on the women's side of his site (he has since updated his blog so I couldn't find the post to link to it) about a woman that had written to him because she had attracted a married man online (sound familiar?) and she didn't know what to do. They (of course) hit it off, seemed to have a lot of online chemistry, and he lived one country over from her. He disclosed that he was married but wanted to meet her.

Of course, Wygant said HELL NO (in so many words!) but he also attempted to answer another question she had which was the real reason why she was writing: why does she keep attracting unavailable men in the first place? He said he really couldn't answer it since he didn't know her, but suspected that she has some kind of fear and by putting that vibration out there, she's attracting back men that are chicken shit. 

Think about it...what's another trait married people looking for affairs often share? In my original video I surmised that they cannot be trusted. But there's another thing they all have in common: they're scared. They're scared of confronting their spouse and telling them that there's something wrong in the marriage and they want to work on it. They're scared of hurting their kids if they ask for a divorce. They're scared their spouse is going to soak them in divorce court. They're scared that they're making a mistake if they leave their spouse, and they're scared that they're making a mistake if they stay. They're scared of all of the potential heartbreak and chaos that a divorce could cause not just in their own house, but possibly with their parents and their entire family. 

What does this have to do with me, and potentially other single people in the same boat?

Well, I admit I'm scared, too.  

I'm not so much scared of actually being in a relationship -- I want to be in a relationship. But I'm more scared of everything that could go wrong. 

We've all heard so many horror dating stories from friends, relatives, and acquaintances or we know peopler that have had their heart broken (or they have happened to us) and we're scared of it happening again. 

David Wygant told this woman she probably really enjoyed the online and over-the-phone flirtation with her married male friend, because it's "safe." He feels safe to her -- she can enjoy it but deep down knows that nothing will come of it, no actual relationship...just a roll in the hay. And that's why she attracted it--because it's easier than looking for someone available that can give her a real relationship and confronting all of the fears that come with it. 

When I first wrote about the married guy on here, I referred to him as "S." But f--- it, I see no good reason to keep him completely anonymous any more. His name is Scott, he's a police officer, and he lives about 350 miles from me. 

When I look back on the email correspondence and phone conversations, he was scared. He told me at one point that his stomach "had been churning for days" because he didn't know what to do. He said he had been "thinking about making some changes" in his life but clearly hadn't the guts to actually make those changes. He was awfully worried about hurting his kids with a divorce, and was afraid that it would mean "a hit to his wallet." 

I guess that's why I attracted someone that had some great qualities that I want except for the unavailability. I, too, felt that the brief friendship we had was fun and "safe" in a lot of ways, especially as I told him I would not meet him in person as long as he was married. 

I guess it's a self protection mechanism that gets activated at certain times during my life. 

I remember a job I had more than twenty years ago working at a hotel during my college years. I'd just had my heart broken and didn't feel feel like dating again yet. t loved flirting with one of the married security guards; it was a mutual attraction but I knew nothing would happen because this guy really did have a great relationship with his wife. But one day a cute guy from the catering department tried to chat me up when I was working in the gift shop. I think he was interested in me, but I was too scared to actually flirt back. I was afraid he was going to ask me out (and I didn't want to have to say no, even though I should have gone out with him had he asked.) Too scared of something going wrong later on down the line. Flirting with the security guard felt much safer. 

So where do I go from here? More working on dropping beliefs. More working on letting go of fear, "letting go and letting God" and trusting the Universe. Ironically, the whole situation with Scott eventually reminded me again that the world doesn't end when your heart gets broken. Maybe I'll eventually put up an online profile again on Match and see what happens. It seems to be the only way to finally change this vibration and break free of this recurring pattern once and for all. I know I can do it!

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Why Self Love and Narcissism Are NOT the Same Thing


A month or two ago, an article about people taking part in wedding ceremonies -- with themselves -- got shared on Facebook a few times. My friends that posted them thought the whole notion was weird  and many of their friends and acquaintances left comments saying how incredibly narcissistic this whole idea sounded to them. I tried to gently interject with my point of view on it (as I've been hearing about these ceremonies in recent years in the law of attraction circles) but it fell on deaf ears. One guy was having none of it; in his mind this was nothing but narcissism at an elevated, alarming level. 

Only it's not, and I'm going to explain why. There's a big difference between self love and narcissism, and even psychologists have recognized the difference for many years now. 

So I'll tell you what my personal definition of each is. Self love comes from within. It's caring enough for yourself not to put yourself down with negative words and to take care of yourself, emotionally and physically when you need it. It also means honoring the special human that you are...not in a (as Oprah would say) braggadocios way...but recognizing yourself and all of your gifts. Self love is incredibly empowering and it's not seeking approval from others outside of yourself, but giving yourself your own approval. 

Narcissism, to me, is the opposite. Narcissistic people lack self esteem and they seek approval from others. It is something that definitely does not come within...narcissistic people don't feel that they're good enough, and they want the approval of others (looking outside of themselves) to make them feel great about themselves and their life. They're prone to bragging. Narcissism most often always comes from fear, and there's nothing empowering about it at all. 

Now, back to the marrying yourself ceremonies...I agree that this idea sounds unusual and personally, I know I'd never have the interest in participating in one myself. But after reading about one law of attraction coach's experience doing it, I can understand her motivation about why she did. She'd had many failed relationships and realized that she wasn't going to have any kind of peace and finally attract the right man until she learned to love herself first. Like the other women participating, she chose a ring...not a diamond wedding ring or anything resembling one...but a plain metal band that had an inspirational word engraved on it. She didn't wear a bridal gown. She simply attended a brief New Age ceremony where participants promised to love, cherish, and honor themselves from that day forth.

And in case you're wondering, she is now married with three kids.

What she did was participate in a self love ceremony, and there's nothing narcissistic about that. It also doesn't mean that she told people she was taken or married; everything was purely symbolic. 

And time and again, I keep reading about how important self love is in regards to the law of attraction. Unless we can learn to love and honor ourselves first, we won't be able to attract other people that can love and honor us and provide us with harmonious relationships. 

So share the self love!

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