Monday, May 23, 2016

Dealing With Unwanted Advice

I know I said in my last post that I was going to talk about seeing the benefits of being single, but something happened to me over the weekend and I'm still feeling a bit like venting about it. 

One of my pet peeves is people that give unwanted advice. They mean well, and I know they're coming from a place of caring, but all too often it seems they lack the real-life experience in the very topic they're being nosy about. When I was out of work I experienced this more than once, and one evening dealt with a barrage of questions about job hunting and what I was currently doing for income at the time (which, to be frank, wasn't anyone's business to ask about) from a woman in my Meetup group -- a retired woman that hadn't been in the job seeking market for some years. 

Over the weekend I experienced this again -- only this time about my dating and love life. I never brought the subject up and wasn't intending to speak about it at all. When I'm focused on manifesting something, I prefer to keep it and any techniques (except for sharing it on this blog, since that's the whole point of it) to myself. Most people I meet do not have any concept of the law of attraction and no interest in learning anything about it. They are action driven, and believe that the only way you're going to meet a man is to "get out there more" and "kiss a lot of frogs until you find the right one."

Ugh. I already blogged a few months ago about why I don't believe in the notion of kissing a lot of frogs -- and how it was confirmed in a book I'm rereading. But back to my weekend, I met up with a friend that I've only known for a short time for dinner Saturday night, and instead of enjoying a nice meal about any number of topics, she decided to hone in on my single status and ask me a million questions as to what I've tried, or would try.

Keep in mind, I didn't bring the subject matter up AT ALL. But apparently I am a wonderment to some women, as they look at me and wonder why or how I could possibly be single. 

I also got asked some questions about a related topic that's a complete moot point by now. In some cases I was asked questions that she already asked me before. And then I was given more unwanted advice on said topic.

As the evening went on, I started to get more upset. Last night, I started to feel like -- honest to God -- that maybe there IS something wrong with me. Because if I were married or at least dating someone now, I wouldn't have been subjected to all of the questioning. Before taking my shower last night, I closed the bathroom door and had myself a short cry. 

That natural high that I was feeling on Thursday and Friday, the same one I blogged about last time, had evaporated. On a scale from 1 to 10, I went from feeling like a 9 a few days ago to something like a 3 or 4 last night. By today I was over it, but the experience prompted me to set some limits. 

By the way, the woman I went out with Saturday night has never really been single or in the dating world for an extended amount of time. She got married in another country, divorced, and then as soon as she came back to the States, found herself being pursued by a man she worked with. A man that was married at the time with a wife that was pregnant with their second child. She's now married to him (and has been for a good 25 years) but she can't understand why his family to this day dislikes her so much. 

This was a good lesson in not revealing too much too soon to a new friend...but I also realized that if someone starts pestering you with questions about a topic you're not comfortable discussing or don't want (or need) advice in, then you have to set limits. 

The book I'm rereading talks about this. Got a grandparent that keeps asking you when you're going to get married? Got a friend that pesters you to put a profile online when don't really want to do so? Try to avoid them if you can. If you can't, tell them you won't discuss your private life with them. You gotta ignore the peanut gallery and listen to your own intuition, or you'll go nuts. 

I know my friend means well. I know she wants to see me with a guy. However, it's more important to me that I'm with the right guy -- and I attract him by doing things I want to do. Even after the dinner, she gave me more unwanted advice in an email the next day...that I need to put myself "out there more" and that I should do online dating. I just deleted it. I decided that if she brings up the subject again, I'm telling her I have stopped discussing it with people, period. 

There's no point in trying to explain the LOA to people that don't get it, but I believe that in doing the inner work on myself I've come much farther than I ever did when I was struggling and forcing myself to go to singles events that I hated and posting my profile online. Anything that you want in life, you have to line up with the energy of what you want first. 

After I wiped away my tears in the bathroom, I reaffirmed that nothing is more important to me than my own happiness. And if that means having to limit time with people that don't get it, and/or be blunt with them, then so be it. 

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